Broken Hallelujah

I met a friend for lunch the other day and we had a long discussion about singlehood and how to deal with it as we get increasingly older and feel like our opportunities are slipping away. We talked about how many people in our lives don't understand, because they were married fresh out of high school or college. We talked about how the world seems to prosper in the area of relationships and those of us who cling to waiting for God's timing and way seem to be forgotten. We discussed how it makes us question our worth, our faith, and who we are. Is it something we're doing wrong? Is it something we're not doing? We came up with no answers. Yet at the same time, we know the Scripture and we know God's answers (Psalm 37:4; Isaiah 55:8-9; Jeremiah 29:11). We know all these things. We tell ourselves these things all the time. We believe God loves us and wants the best for us. But we don't understand why we are still waiting with no sign of an answer from God about what our futures hold. Our emotional lives are like a rollercoaster. One minute we're chugging along and enjoying our lives and the next we're in a valley of depression and loneliness that no one seems to comprehend. We desire companionship and to feel important to another human being. And as the days fade, so does our strength to hold on to hope.

It's really funny as I mention the word "hope". God has as sense of humor. In Sunday School last week, the lesson was on hope. Our teacher asked if God always answered our prayers the way we wanted them answered. And of course, the response was "No". Then he asked how we respond to God when this happens. In honesty, I said that I sometimes through temper tantrums. Other answers included pity parties, regrouping and focusing on God, and keeping the faith. I've done all and I think we go through periods of each.

If our hope is in our circumstances, we will always be disappointed, because they always change and more often than not we find something wrong with them. Our hope is to be in the everlasting God, the Creator of our hearts that are breaking and the tears rolling down our faces (Isaiah 40:28-31). We have to keep trusting and choosing to believe Him even when He seems silent on the things that are most important to us at the moment.

Mandisa's song "Broken Hallelujah" was what God brought to mind after the lunch with my friend. As I listened to it again, I imagined that whoever wrote it was going through a similar season of loneliness and desperately trying to hang on to God and His hope. And that is what I want to do. I don't want my heart and mind to be consumed with thoughts of being single, but when I try to let it go and give it to God, I fall apart and fear creeps in that I will always be single or have to settle for less. But that's where I have to die to my selfish ways through the Holy Spirit and sing that broken hallelujah to my perfect God who hears my every plea. To all of those hurting because you are single, you are not alone. God, help us and show Yourself to us and make Your presence real. We do love You and trust You, even in our sadness.



With my love and my sadness
I come before You, Lord
My heart's in a thousand pieces
Maybe even more

Yet I trust in this moment
You're with me somehow
And You've always been faithful
So, Lord, even now

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

Oh, Father, You have given
Much more than I deserve
And I have felt Your hand of blessing
On me at every turn

How could I doubt Your goodness
Your wisdom, Your grace
Oh, Lord, hear my heart
In this painful place
When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah,

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

 I lift my voice
Your Spirit moves
I raise my hands
I reach for You
'Cause all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
And my only offering
Is shattered praise
Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah
~Broken Hallelujah by Mandisa~